I’m so done with today

I thought I was a busy person before having a baby, but in reality I had no idea. Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed by it all, and today was one of those days.

I’ve recently returned to work and the organisation required is on a whole other level. In fairness I’m still getting used to it and could streamline a little, but in essence my mornings at the moment go like this:

Up (about 7.15am), change nappy, bottle, shower, get dressed, downstairs for Millie’s breakfast, provide finger food so I can put a wash on, pack my bag, brush hair and swipe mascara on while she’s playing with the toast, then back up to dress her. Out the door to walk the dog (8.10am by now), then drive to nursery and wait for train gates, detour around road works, drop Millie off – she cried – and get back in traffic to get to work (9.30am).

As well as coordinating all this I’m mentally checking what day it is, what she’s got to eat for after nursery, who’s got the dog while the husband sleeps off a night shift, what messages I need to send to various people and what I’ve got on at work. 

It’s bloody exhausting and sometimes my brain just shuts off. I don’t want to engage with anyone, could cry at any moment and just want to eat. So I mostly focus on that, and laying in the bath for an hour after Millie’s in bed. 

I’m worrying about everyone else all the time, and giving everything and everyone less than they deserve in trying to keep all the plates spinning but what can you do? Find coping strategies, like indulging your self pity, until it passes. 

Today I also craved Millie herself quite a lot. Seeing her was all I wanted and I got a precious 50 minutes after work to play with her. It’s a good job she’s so delicious โค๏ธ 

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8 thoughts on “I’m so done with today

  1. Liz I know exactly how you feel. Returning to work after having Samuel I felt that not only was I doing my job badly I was also being a bad mum. It’s so hard but you will get into your stride and it will work out. It’s been much easier second time round. I miss my boys hugely when I’m at work but also indulge in adult conversation and humour! Keep going. Like the SMA advert says ‘you’re doing fine’

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    1. The guilt is massive…’mum guilt’ is a whole post by itself! We are still only a few weeks in so not quite settled yet but we’ll figure it out. And I love how much hot tea I get at work! X

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  2. Nicely put Liz!

    Right there with you re giving everything & everyone less than they deserve. I constantly feel like a ping pong ball with my two babes, whichever one I’m ‘giving’ myself to, I feel the other one is getting less than they deserve. Tough lark this mum game, but oh the magical moments dotted in between are heavenly ๐Ÿ˜

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  3. Liz, the type of day you mention is something that frequently plays on my mind when I consider the future prospect of having children! I just don’t know how everyone is able to juggle everything!?! What you’ve described confirms my suspicions that parents – and let’s be honest, Mum’s especially – must be soooooo mentally drained after all of this coordinating, commuting, working, cooking, bedtime, etc! I applaud you all and console myself with the fact that if these types of days are to be my normal, at least it won’t be a complete shocker! Xxx

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    1. They’re not all like that but you’re right the mental challenge is just as hard as the physical, but I think if you know that now you’re half way there! It is super hard but I think that’s why babies are made to be so amazing, so you don’t mind doing it all day after day. It’s so worth it! X

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  4. Sometimes allowing a plate to drop can feel quite liberating. And accepting that you are only human and can only do so much, and anyone not understanding that can do one ๐Ÿ˜‰. It’s damn hard. And just when it’s getting easier and you’re getting the hang of it, you feel the urge to have another one ๐Ÿ˜.

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    1. Haha have not had the urge quite yet – the idea frightens the life out of me! I do love the mama bear thing though, because you’re right anyone who stands in your way can f@ck off! ๐Ÿ˜‚ x

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